[Bug 962869] New: Some Textual improvements and a typographical correction

[Red Hat Bugzilla]

Product: Fedora Documentation
https://bugzilla.redhat.com/show_bug.cgi?id=962869

Bug ID: 962869
           Summary: Some Textual improvements and a typographical
                    correction
           Product: Fedora Documentation
           Version: devel
         Component: release-notes
          Severity: unspecified
          Priority: unspecified
          Assignee: [e-mail]
          Reporter: [e-mail]
        QA Contact: [e-mail]
                CC: [e-mail], [e-mail]
          Category: ---

Created attachment 747746
  --> https://bugzilla.redhat.com/attachment.cgi?id=747746&action=edit
ODT format markup of the first page of the release notes.

Provide details here.  Do not change the blocking bug.

First page of the F19 release notes.

I have a markup document. 
I rephrased some text and corrected errors.

I can do before/after here, so please advise how better to proceed.

Before

You can help the Fedora Project community continue to improve Fedora if you
file bug reports and enhancement requests. Refer to Bugs And Feature Requests,
on the Fedora wiki, for more information about bug and feature reporting. Thank
you for your participation.

After
You can help the Fedora Project community continue to improve Fedora by filing
bug reports and enhancement requests. Refer to Bugs And Feature Requests, on
the Fedora wiki, for more information about bug and feature reporting. Thank
you for your participation.

Please review the attachment.  Yellow hightlighted text means no change.

[Bug 962869] Some Textual improvements and a typographical correction

[Red Hat Bugzilla]

Product: Fedora Documentation
https://bugzilla.redhat.com/show_bug.cgi?id=962869

--- Comment #1 from Leslie Satenstein  ---
Created attachment 747916
  --> https://bugzilla.redhat.com/attachment.cgi?id=747916&action=edit
Spelling corrections, some grammatical improvements, and double word
eliminations

Please note. I have only covered the first three sections of the Fedora 19
release notes.  
The before imaqe is the web-site page, any correction to that page is noted in
the text document with a matching paragraph number.

Please note, I will replaced topics that are Americanized English with non
slang.  Here is an example:

I will talk to you on Bind10.  (revised to ) I will talk to you about Bind10,
or concerning Bind10.  I can be on topic or off topic, but normally I stand on
the floor, or sit on a chair. I replace on with about, etc. I also "listen to a
socket" as opposed to "listen on a socket".

Spelling fixed, wordiness fixed, sentences split into topics.

Please advise if you want me to continue. With the changes, translation to
other languages will be more accurate with the tw tool.

[Bug 962869] Some Textual improvements and a typographical correction

[Red Hat Bugzilla]

Product: Fedora Documentation
https://bugzilla.redhat.com/show_bug.cgi?id=962869

Leslie Satenstein  changed:

What    |Removed                     |Added
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
                 CC|                            |[e-mail]

[Bug 962869] Some Textual improvements and a typographical correction

[Red Hat Bugzilla]

Product: Fedora Documentation
https://bugzilla.redhat.com/show_bug.cgi?id=962869

Pete Travis  changed:

What    |Removed                     |Added
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
             Status|NEW                         |ON_QA
                 CC|                            |[e-mail]

--- Comment #2 from Pete Travis  ---
I've made a number of changes based on the attachments. Thanks for your review,
Leslie!

[Bug 962869] Some Textual improvements and a typographical correction

[Red Hat Bugzilla]

Product: Fedora Documentation
https://bugzilla.redhat.com/show_bug.cgi?id=962869

--- Comment #3 from Leslie Satenstein  ---
Created attachment 748042
  --> https://bugzilla.redhat.com/attachment.cgi?id=748042&action=edit
Remaining (from 4.0 to end ) first pass edits of Fedora 19 Revision

Spelling and grammar checks. Some revising of paragraphs.

[Bug 962869] Some Textual improvements and a typographical correction

[Red Hat Bugzilla]

Product: Fedora Documentation
https://bugzilla.redhat.com/show_bug.cgi?id=962869

Pete Travis  changed:

What    |Removed                     |Added
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
             Status|ON_QA                       |CLOSED
         Resolution|---                         |WORKSFORME
        Last Closed|                            |2013-05-19 14:12:13

--- Comment #4 from Pete Travis  ---
Leslie,

I've glanced over the latest attachment. A number of the copy changes in this
and previous attachments appear to be for personal preference in phrasing,
adding no value to the copy and often degrading the technical accuracy of the
work.

I appreciate your willingness to review, but the method used actually requires
more time to identify the changes presented and consider their value than the
time it would take for a writer to review the actual copy.  When the changes
identified do not improve the original work, this time is wasted.

I hope we can work together to improve the effectiveness of your contributions.
It is important to have QA and proofreading of our docs.